TrUe LoVe
As I sat here listening and praying to God, the song “what’s love got to do with it” popped into my head. I searched for it,and just sat in silence listening to the song and lyrics. Then I asked Jesus, why this song, how does this song relate to me at all?
Then I realized, LOVE has EVERYTHING TO DO WITH IT. In this broken world we live in, LOVE is the thing that we all seek for; yet it is the hardest to find. Loving ourselves, loving others, loving this world, is what we want, yet it is so difficult to find. I confess I have always looked for love in the wrong places: I always thought if I was a different size, or had this skin color, or hair color, if I had less freckles and didn’t snort when I laughed, if I wasn’t so independent and talkative, if i wasn’t blah blah…the list could go on for days. I thought all of those things would make me feel loved, would make someone love me. However the love that I was seeking, was NOT the love that I NEEDED. I do not NEED that sort of love, the kind that can change at any moment, the kind that make makes me be someone I am not, the kind of love that can leave me with deep wounds and scars. The love I NEED can only be offered by Jesus.
The LOVE Jesus offers me is one that will NEVER CHANGE, it is unconditional and never ending. His love does not make me someone I am not, but embraces me as the woman he created me to be. His love will never harm me or leave scars but instead provide HEALING of any past scars I may have.
His love is one that no person or thing could ever come close to. This song sums up my thoughts well, “Lord I stand in wonder, of the sacrifice You made/ Mercy beyond measure, my debt You freely paid” Jesus, you sacrificed yourself, so that we can be loved by you GOD, so that we can experience healing and HOPE that cannot be offered from this world. As it says, Lord, “my debt you freely paid.” When you died on that cross, Jesus, you took the wrath of all my sins, so that I can be free, you went through all that pain and misery so that I would not.
13 And they cried out again, “Crucify him.” 14 And Pilate said to them, “Why, what evil has he done?” But they shouted all the more, “Crucify him.” 15 So Pilate, wishing to satisfy the crowd, released for them Barabbas; and having scourged Jesus, he delivered him to be crucified. 16 And the soldiers led him away inside the palace (that is, the praetorium); and they called together the whole battalion. 17 And they clothed him in a purple cloak, and plaiting a crown of thorns they put it on him. 18 And they began to salute him, “Hail, King of the Jews!” 19 And they struck his head with a reed, and spat upon him, and they knelt down in homage to him. 20 And when they had mocked him, they stripped him of the purple cloak, and put his own clothes on him. And they led him out to crucify him.
31 So also the chief priests mocked him to one another with the scribes, saying, “He saved others; he cannot save himself. 32 Let the Christ, the King of Israel, come down now from the cross, that we may see and believe.”
Jesus was innocently condemned, abandoned and turn in by the same crowds that he performed miracles on, He was mocked, (purple cloak and crown of thorns) He was humiliated,spit upon, beaten one lash before death, forced to carry his own cross to his death, exhausted, hands nailed, feet nailed, lungs crushed; WHY? Because he loves me, because he loves you. This is the TRUE LOVE that the song is talking about. “I stand in wonder, of the sacrifice you made” Jesus, I fall at my feet in awe and wonder about the sacrifice you made.
“God demonstrates His love toward us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us”
Jesus, Thank you for your ultimate example of love. I pray that this is the LOVE that I seek after! I ask for your forgiveness for forgetting your love, for doubting that you can love someone like me, but Jesus, you would NOT have died on the cross for me unless you loved me. You love me inside and out, for every fault and every strength. I ask that you give me the strength to be an example of your love, with how I love myself, and especially how I love others around me so that we can all experience your abundant and unconditional love. Thank you Jesus, Amen.
Deliverance
Before thee I am nothing but vanity, iniquity, perishing;
Sin has forfeited thy favour; stripped me of thy image, banished me from they presence, exposed me to thr curse of thy law;
I CANNOT deliver myself, and am in despair…
May I, a convinced and self-despairing sinner,find Jesus as the power unto salvation, his death the centre of all relief, the SOURCE of all gospel-blessings.
Help me to repair that cross,
be crucified to the world by it, and in it find deepest humiliation,
motives to patience and self-denial,
grace for active benevolence,
faith to grasp eternal life, hope to life up my head,
love to bind me for ever to him who died and rose for me.
May His shed blood make me
more thankful for thy mercies, more humble under thy correction, more zealous in thy service, more watchful against temptation, more contented in my circumstances, more useful to others.
AMEN.
(The Valley of Vision, Puritan Prayers and Devotionals)
A BOX.
I have been placing God into a box, doubting what he could and could not do. I have been placing my own selfish expectations as the guideline rather than realizing it is GOD’S to guide. This is HIS mission field, HIS children, HIS ministry, HIS bible study. Who am I to limit HIM and place him into this small confined four by four box, to sufficate HIM out of the situation?
Praise YOU God for opening my eyes, and having me realize YOU are more POWERFUL and MAGNIFICENT than I can ever imagine. YOU are the one in CONTROL, not me, not any one else. It is all in your hands, and even though I doubted you and placed you into a BOX YOU had greater things planned for us tonight.
Thank you Lord Jesus, for choosing to use me even when I fail to TRUST you, even when I cannot see the goodness in what you already have done, and what you are doing now. Thank you Jesus for your FAITHFULNESS and your GRACE you shower down upon me, and for allowing me to be blessed as I serve YOU! Tonight did not go as I expected, but that is because I expected so much less, I limited you, I confined your power!
But praise YOU Jesus that you did not remain in that box but instead blew me away by providing amazing conversations, by placing random people for us to meet in the dorms tonight, by starting to create a family and a community based around your LOVE. Thank you for being YOU and for being a God who hears our cries, prayers, and LOVES us even when we are doubtful! Thank YOU Jesus for being a God who is LIMITLESS!!! Amen.
During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” “Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me! “Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down.Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, “Truly you are the Son of God.” (Matthew 14:25-33)
I myself was Peter, doubting God, limiting Him based on my OWN expectations. God invited me into His mission just like he invited Peter to walk on water. However, Peter and I both lacked trust and as soon as things were not going my way or meeting my OWN expectations (and as soon as the wind picked up for Peter) we started to sink. BUT tonight, GOD IMMEDIATELY reached out HIS hand and caught me before I sank, just like he reached out and caught Peter.
THANK YOU JESUS FOR USING ME EVEN IN THE MIDST OF MY DOUBT.
FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!
EXHILARATING!!!!
BREATHTAKING!!!!
SPONTANEOUS!!!!!!!!
BEAUTIFUL STARS!! BEAUTIFUL BREEZE!!!!! BEAUTIFUL NIGHT!!!!
The last couple of weeks have been busy, busy, and more busy. Although busy, they have been AMAZING, and Praise God for all he has done, but God blessed me with last night, a night that turned into an unplanned adventure that I will never forget!
I want to document all the events so I can look back on this and just reflect on the beauty and adventure of life, of college, of being blessed with amazing friends!!!
The adventure started as Timmy, Phil and myself had the idea that we could bus to the buzz to meet up with everyone, little did we know on fridays the bus stops running at 7, it was now just a little past 7pm. We spent over an hour trying to call people to see if we could get a ride to the bus, since we didnt have any bikes, and it failed. However, as the valliant warriors that we are, we were determined to get to the BUZZ. So we did the unthinkable, we decided to give Flipper (my car) a chance. (for over a month now my car was sitting outside the house because it was not reliable in starting). We got all excited and put our hands in as a sign of committment to an adventerous night, and we cheered!! Thats when Phil said, “We are going to have an amazing night, i can feel it!!” Little did we know he was RIGHT!
We got in my car, and it STARTED!!! But as good as that sounds, I was still nervous because I was waaaaaaaaay bellow empty in gas, and that meant my car would have to be turned back off, and then start up again….We made it to the gas station (I drove to the furthest one just in case my car didn’t start again so I wouldnt block gas station traffic). We cleaned my car with wipers, got gas,prayed for the car to start again, and BAM it STARTED!!
Now we are pumped, we start singing, and we are extremely hyper and craaazeeeee. We drive to the BUZZ and find parking, get some worship songs in there as we walk from Border’s parking lot, I trip over my own feet :/ and we got a gorgeous view of the FULL MOON! We get to the buzz, and yes…all the free stuff is gone. We however got to dress up crazy and take pictures in the picture booth!! Then it was off to in N out burger, where we had a bunch of laughs, and then off to rent a movie (where we thought our night would end..chea right)
As we were at redbox, we heard this big BANG and crash, and sure enough (since the stoplight was out) someone crashed into the person in front of them. My heart ached, and I was filled with worry and grief, so I prayed. I had every desire to rush over and make sure everything was ok, but it was not my place or time. We dropped someone off, and came back to my house. We were waiting for people to join for a movie, and that allows timmy to fall asleep, and for Phil and me to get into a deep conversation guided by God. PRAISE GOD!! Then we decided to go on a drive to wake up. ADVENTUREEEEEE BEGINS AGAIN!
Timmy drives my car out to one of my stargazing spots out past UCC, and then I say, Phil get in the front seat. He was hesitant at first, but I am a very convincing person haha. So he drove for the first time ever, he drove so freely, around turns, and just kept on driving, with the stars glaring back at myself, Phil and Timmy. Then we left and went to grafitti bridge, and at this point, all our phones are dead (well timmys had like 5% left on it) so it really was quite an adventure. One bonding memorable moment was Phil and Tummy both had to pee, so they did so over the bridge (with me not looking trust me haha). I really had to go as well, but as soon as I was going to, I thought I saw something move down the road so I chickened out and we drove off. We switched drivers again, and Phil was able to drive for the 2nd time in his life!! He drove long and far this time (we ended up near Winters i believe) and he got to make his own turns, and even drive with a car behind him =D
Then we decided it was time for us to head back, but not before we could all have something in common; I HAD TO PEE… So I squated near the bushes and peed, which just added to the overall adventure, as we all laughed at the fact that we all peed on the side of the road. (I did not even get any on me lol…).
After that we continued a little and then we stopped. As we stopped,I said “let’s just yell.” So we did, we screamed with joy at the top of our lungs, as we were surrounded by a blanket of darkness, and a bright moon, and stars looking down on us. Then we decided to yell, “Johovah Jirah”, we were so blessed with the night God granted us to have. But as much as I would have loved to stay there, the barks of dogs grew closer and closer so Timmy jumped into the drivers seat and we took off. As we enjoyed the late night breeze, we were able to sing, talk, hit tripple digits,get passed by a police officer :/ and then soon after get flipped of by this guy because apparently we were going to slow, we headed back. We continued to have intentional conversations, where we would ask a quesion and each of us would answer it about ourselves, and we pulled in, to have one last laugh. Timmy tried parallel parking ( not that this is a shout out to his bad parallel parking..bc for years I could not do it myself, and would always end up on the curb) But it was just a nice way to end the night in more laughs. We get inside my house, now around 3am, and realize we still have the movie to watch….adventures for another night…
What a great way to be so free, spontanoues, and just see God in it all. We had the chance to have fun together, get to know one another more, laugh, have deep conversations, pray, stargaze, sing praises to God almighty, and just be random and goofy!! A night where we experienced many first time things, a night where prayers were answered, a night to be remembered! I love my two amazing brothers for blessing me in such a random, unplanned adventure!!
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God, You are so good. The things you have been showing me, the things you have been teaching me,and the way you have been opening my eyes to the things unseen. I want to lift all this praise and GLORY back to you because it is by YOU, and You alone that I have been blessed with this growth.
You bring me the most joy and purpose, and Lord God I know you love me. “God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners” (Romans 5:8).
Jesus, you have brought me so far along!! Jesus you have given me this new life, “anyone in Christ is a NEW CREATION” (2 Cor.5:17). You FORGIVE my every sin, my every evil thought then and now, and in the future. By your grace I am forgiven; what an amazing gift you give me!!!!
You are my Father, who is always there for me, “I will never leave you or forsake you” you say, and I believe this with all my heart. I can see just how far you have taken me Lord God, in the times where I felt I had no one, you were there. In the times where I felt there was no way out, that I was suffocating in my own sin, by your grace you brought me out. Lord, in the midst of confusion and chaos, in pain and suffering, you were clearly present. “But the Lord is faithful, who will establish you and guard you from the evil one” (2 Thessalonians 3:3).
You continue to reveal yourself in new ways to me, growing me, challenging me, loving me. Even though scripture reads, “Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there ANY THING too hard for me?” (Jeremiah 32:2). I still believed I could do nothing for you. I truly believed there was no way you would or could use me to serve you, I was a nobody, I was noone. I was so confident in believing that there were better people for the job. And Lord God, you remained faithful to your word. You showed me the truth,the truth that as your child, we ALL are someone. We ALL have a purpose, we ALL play a role in the body of Christ. You took me from a place of guilt and shame and freed me, YOU transformed me into your servant. I am so blessed with the new things you choose to reveal to me every day. All the blessings you have given me, from the ways you have grown me to the blessings I have encountered through serving you in college and with InterVarsity.
I am just having a moment of rememberence, of reflection on how you have given me a new life, of how far you have taken me and how much I have to be rejoicing and praising you for!!! I discovered this song today,and it hit home for me, as I just continue to fall more in LOVE with you every day. This song is sang so peacefully, and as simple as the lyrics are, “I’m deep in love with you” it encompasses it all. Because Jesus, IM SO DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!
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Beauty. Beauty is NOT measured by how white your teeth are, how perfect your hair is,how cute your clothes are that you are wearing, how tan or long your legs are. It is not measured by having a big chest or a six pack of abs,having money, or a nice car. Beauty is not measured by how much makeup you wear, how long your eyelashes are, whether you have stretch marks or not, if you can fit into a size two,if you have blue eyes or a perfect jaw line. Beauty is NOT measured by how much you work out, what your weight is or what you want it to be, whether you have a double chin or not, or if you always wear your hair up in a pony tail or if its nicely done everyday.
Realize girls, beauty is NOT about us changing ourselves to become someone we are not, but beauty, TRUE BEAUTY, the BEAUTY that COUNTS, is found underneath. It is hard for us to believe this, to listen to this when are are living in such a broken world, with pressures that cause us to believe we are only beautiful if we conform to the things listed above. I struggle myself with wanting to look my best, which in truth is to look like what society calls beautiful. I am constantly allowing my own insecurities to overwhelm me and pressure me to change, to conform, or to cause me to feel like I am worthless, that I am not beautiful. BUT let me tell myself as well as you, I AM BEAUTIFUL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, WE ARE BEAUTIFUL IN THE EYES OF THE PERSON THAT MATTERS THE MOST, GOD’S!!!!!!!!! I have realized that true beauty has nothing to do with the outside, with our appearance. But beauty lies in Gods creation, in the moments that can take your breathe away, and in everything that can bring God glory and praise!
For example, last night at like 2am, we randomly decided to go to SF to Ocean Beach to enjoy the sunrise and the sandy beach. Once we arrived there, I was memorized by the smell of the ocean, and the beauty of the ocean waves that were visible by the beautiful moonlight. As everyone fell asleep one by one, I was wide awake because I could not stop staring at the moon. All alone in the sky, shining its light all around. The waves were glowing because of the moons reflection, and I just could not stop being amazed by Gods beauty.
Every wave crashing down and ship horns were music to my ears. I would take in deep breaths just to smell the sea, and allow the wind and mist to blow against my face. I could not help but to start to praise and worship God for His beauty, for His creation. As I sang some worship songs to Him, I could not stop the tears from falling down my cheek, tears of amazement and pure joy. My eyes were opened and I was reminded of what true beauty is, and since then I can not stop thinking about all the beautiful things of this world hand created by God himself. Now there are millions and trillions of beautiful things in this world, all of which can be lifted up in praise to God, for he created every single one of them. Some of my thoughts:
Beauty. Beauty is: A newborn baby holding it’s parents hand with his small soft hands. A woman leaving her abuser. A helpless man who finds Christ’s love and HOPE. A father on his daughters wedding day. Waking up sick as a dog and finding your husband right there taking care of you. Watching your children learn how to ride their bikes for the first time,throw a baseball, or learn karate. Receiving a home cooked meal after scrounging around just to get by. A doctor saving a car victims life in emergency surgery. Having a roof over your head. Beauty is being able to stand up for what is right, even when you will be persecuted or looked down upon for doing so. Being honest and truthful with yourself and your spouse. A sunrise. A sunset. A puppy being loved by its owner. Flowers growing in spring. The wind that grazes your face on a hot summer day. A father holding his daughters hand to her first day of school. Allowing your imagination to go wild as you stare into the sky and discover the shapes the clouds form into. The ripples of a skipping rock in a still lake. The laughter of a grandparent. Beauty is helping those that need the help, not because you are better than them but because Jesus would do the same for you. A single parent mother establishing a HOME for her children. Having food on the table. The colors of this world, from the radiant green grass, to the white covered mountains, to the crystal clear ocean, to the desert. Beauty is having a humbling and caring heart. Being pregnant. A child in Africa drinking clean water. Loving others even when they do not deserve it. A child who is sick who gets cared for by their parents. Running a marathon with one leg. A cancer survivor. Saving a person in a fire. Being in poverty but full of HOPE and TRUST.
When I went to bed this morning, I had a dream of this woman. She was at least 80 years old, with missing teeth, marks and scars all over her arms and face, she had eye brows that were as bushy as a squirrels tail, and she smelled like nasty old gym clothes with a mixture of pee and poo. She had nails longer than any other person I have ever seen with more dirt inside them that it was disgusting. She could barely stand up on her own without a bone cracking, and she was wearing holey clothes. I cant help but to connect this with what I saw at the beach; beauty. It did not matter what she looked like or smelt like, it was her heart that made her beautiful. I woke up before my dream finished, but I can imagine her telling me about her life, and I am sure I would be able to see that the beauty was not about how physically attractive she was, about the expensive clothes she wore or the amount of makeup she had on her face.
*Just a side note we sometimes forget, we DO get older, and as we grow older, we will lose our attractiveness. So do we want to waste our life and time on trying to be as attractive on the outside as we can be, or do we want to live a life worthy and purposeful of Jesus, full of attractiveness on the inside, someone with a HEART of COMPASSION and LOVE, someone who works on their heart rather than their face or body?*
I can imagine this 80 year old woman sharing about her experiences in her lifetime, about her childhood memories with her parents and siblings, with her free spirited heart that lived life for other people. Her wedding day, the day her first son was born, raising her children with complete selflessness. As a mother, she would share her fears, the hardships, the pain, but then the joy of seeing her children be raised up into respectful men and women, children and leaders of God. I can imagine this woman, living her life for others, taking care of her neighbors even when they did nothing for her. I could see her helping someone carry their groceries in for them, helping someone with their work,volunteering her time and money to her community and church. I could imagine her being someone full of CHARACTER and HEART, full of JOY and HOPE. Someone who would put time aside in her busy day to be with her children, her parents, her friends, and especially a stranger who needs to be loved.
With her wisdom she would say to me, the most important thing in life is not what you look like on the outside, for who are you trying to impress? There is no one more important than Jesus Christ and he already loves you the way you are!! You do not need to change your appearance, or try to impress someone by changing your waist size or by adding makeup to cover your natural beauty that He created you with! You can spend your life by not changing the outside but by growing and changing yourself on the inside, to make yourself more and more like Jesus himself. To serve humbly and with joy, to love other BEAUTIFUL people, to praise Him for what He has and will continue to do in your life;things that makeup or a 6 pack cannot do! Live life like this, with this compassionate heart I speak of, and when you get to my age, the beauty is clearly NOT on the outside (unless you find my missing teeth attractive) but on the inside; the beauty is in what Jesus has taught me, in the woman He has created me into, and in the precious moments and memories that I have been blessed with.
So let us all rethink about what we believe it means to be BEAUTIFUL, because in the eyes of Jesus, we ALL are beautiful! No matter what we look like on the outside, or what kind of life we have lived in the past, we ARE all BEAUTIFUL. The greatest BEAUTY is seeing some one come to Christ for the first time, and having them be blessed in experiencing His beauty in this world, from a child being born to serving our neighbors, from teenage years to old age, from immaturity to growth and passion,from the stars in the sky to the waves that peacefully roll off one another. This is the BEAUTY we all can experience in this world through the eyes of Jesus!
Jesus, I ask for your eyes in seeing your BEAUTY in this world around me and in the people around me. Please construct my heart into a heart that sees only the beauty in your children so I can love them like you do. Let me life up my voice to you in praise and thanksgiving for the beauty you show me every day, from seeing your children grow into BOLD followers of you to the rising of the sun and the chirping of the birds. Thank you for creating a world so beautiful! Amen.
Beautiful.just beautiful.One day God will grant me this sort of love that will glorify Him and until then why search, why change ourselves to be something we are not?Just let go and let God and He will bring someone along that will love you inside and out.someone who will help you with your weaknesses and build you up in your strengths.who will love the Lord with all his heart and mind even above you.This person will be someone who will pack up and leave everything behind for God’s calling; someone who loves you the way you are but is not content with you staying there but instead growing more and more in love with our savior.This person is someone you will have to grow with, to learn by, to serve and be served, someone you can safely give your heart to, your heart after God. These lyrics stand out to me and warm my heart.
“Love does not run, Love does not hide, Love does not keep,Locked inside.” Love will not make me run or hide, it cannot be locked inside but rather freed because it is a gift by the beautiful God himself. “Love will protect,Love always hopes.Love still believes,When you don’t.Love is the arms that are holding you.Love never fails you.” Love WILL protect me no matter the circumstances, and will bring hope to me. Love will help me believe in someone or something even when I dont,and he will believe in me even when I dont believe in myself and I can always have him there to hold me, to comfort me.This is the love that will be found in the person God has planned for me, but even more so, all of these things and more, can be seen in the LOVE I can and DO have with God.He will always protect me,always bring me hope, he will never fail me, and his arms are always there holding me.HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS.like I said, Beautiful.
“Thus says God, the Lord , who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and what comes from it, who gives breath to the people on it and spirit to those who walk in it” Isaiah 42:5
Sometimes we forget, sometimes I forget, that our life is yours and not our own. I am reminded now that even my own breath is not my own, and it can be taken away or given to me as you please Lord God. So I offer thanksgiving and praise for the breath you give me every day, and I ask for forgiveness for not treating it as the gift that it is.You grant me breath for a reason, to glorify you, and I fall short by far, but I am thankful for each breath you give me, and I want to make that breath worthy of You.Thank you for allowing me to wake up this morning with a new start of the day, another opportunity to serve you and love your children.Thank you for giving me the breath to see your beauty in the day, and thank you for the breath that keeps me alive when I am sleeping.Thanks be to God.
“Thus says the Lord God to these bones: Behold, I will cause breath to enter you, and you shall live” Eze 37:5
Hope. This is what makes my heart melt, this is my true love.Hope. look at the kids joyful smiles =)
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